I Never Realised Just How Beautiful You Were!
by Archie Rice
Summary: This was intended as an angry parody of some of the worse examples of HPDM slashfic. Unfortunately it sort of backfired by being almost as bad.


I Never Realised Just How Beautiful You Were!

Draco blew his nose violently into a handkerchief, causing many heads in the library to turn in his direction, their brows furrowed in irritation. But Draco didn't care. All that was on his mind was Harry. Dear, sweet, beautiful, stupendous, starry-eyed Harry.

Draco couldn't understand it. Right up until a few hours ago he had been perfectly happy, but then all of a sudden his mind was awash with embarrassing thoughts about how gorgeous Harry Potter was. Which was odd, because he could have sworn that he despised the boy.

But, obviously, he must have been wrong. After all, here he was, thinking about how he'd love to hold Harry in his arms and kiss him full on the lips…Draco tried to shudder in disgust, but found that he could only sigh wistfully. This earned him another reproachful glance from the people in the library. 

He didn't really feel comfortable here. He found himself longing to lie on his bed, deep in thought, or, at least, stare longingly out of a window. Somehow, just sitting in the library feeling confused didn't seem right.

All of a sudden, he got up, left the library in a hurry, and raced through the winding corridors of Hogwarts and up the spiral staircase of the tallest tower, until he reached the little room right at the top, which was deserted. Draco, unable to stop himself, sat next to one of the windows, which offered a panoramic view out onto the grounds of Hogwarts, then burst into tears. 

What was the matter with him? Why couldn't he stop thinking of Harry? Why was he even referring to Harry by his first name? He was Potter! Not Harry, but Potter! Potter! Potter! They were enemies, they hated each other, and they hadn't said a nice word to each other in their lives! And yet, here Draco was, thinking all sorts of thoughts about Harry, which he wouldn't even have considered before…

At that moment, Draco heard footsteps approaching. Who on earth could it be? Nobody ever came up into the tallest tower. 

"Draco?" It was Harry. Harry Potter, calling Draco by his first name.

"W-W-W-W-W-What, H-H-H-H-H-H-H-H-Harry?" he stuttered awkwardly. 

"Are you crying?" Harry said sounding appallingly concerned.

"What's it look like, Potter?" Draco retorted defiantly. Yes, that was better! That was the old Malfoy! If he could just keep that up!

"What's wrong?" Harry asked sympathetically.

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You wouldn't understand," Draco snivelled pitifully, his heart sinking in despair. Was this really Draco Malfoy speaking? Why was he stammering so much? Why couldn't he control what he was saying?

"Try me," Harry smiled kindly, sitting next to Draco and putting a revoltingly comforting arm around his shoulders. Had Draco been his normal self, he would have whipped out his wand and blasted Harry into oblivion. But, right now, all Draco wanted to whip out was something far too embarrassing for him to admit to himself.

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm crying because…because…" He found himself crying even harder.

"Shhhhhhhh," Harry whispered soothingly, hugging Draco to him. As Draco looked up at Harry's perfect face, now bathed in moonlight (hadn't it been daylight a few seconds ago?) he felt the incredible urge to kiss his archenemy.

"Go on," Harry breathed silently. A bit too silently, in fact.

"What?" Draco hissed like a snake. 

"Go on!" Harry said a bit louder.

"Ah, yes, sorry," Draco smiled, "I couldn't hear you, you were breathing your words a bit too silently." Harry nodded impatiently, and then they kissed. As their lips locked together, Draco found all his troubles floating away, like a swan or another type of bird (perhaps a heron). In fact, they got so caught up in the kiss, that when they shifted their bodies for the inevitable gratuitous sex scene, they toppled sideways, out of the window and fell to their deaths. Well, actually, Harry did more falling, because Draco ended up (as if by some poetic justice) impaled on a spike.

At Harry's funeral, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black met and suddenly realised just how beautiful they both were; while at Malfoy's funeral, Lucius and Professor Snape found within themselves some previously hidden emotions. I shall leave the rest to your imaginations.

THE END?

DISCLAIMER: J.K. Rowling created all the characters, although I'm sure she never dreamed up any of the actions that occurred in this story. Well, maybe Malfoy being impaled on a spike – idea for book seven, perhaps?


End file.
